To My Grandkids,
Damn, Life is so GOOD!
Regarding my last blog about feeling like I fell out of my rhythm, I have been taking the steps I know I need to pull myself out of that funk. I think what I needed most was to realize that I am the only one who has the power to change myself, and make healthier decisions- so I'm getting back into my flow.. DANCING right back into my flow.
This weekend we had some Irish folk come through the camp and man oh man it was so much fun! Friday night I rolled out my yoga mat and sat with the band as they played into the night. My lovely fairy friend Rose had a booth set up to sell some of her hand made Goddess crowns. We shared homemade soup, laughter, thoughts, beliefs, and vibed to the music.
Saturday morning was a very chill, relaxing morning with musicians warming up here and there.. A fiddle tuning its strings, a keyboard for for pitch check, some guitarists practicing riffs, laughter and coffee being passed around. Later in the afternoon we (the volunteers who live here) gathered around Roses' booth again and shared some very special time together. After lots of dancing, a couple cups of liquid encouragement (and maybe a shot or 2..) we got invited to have dinner with the band... FEAST!!
And then the REAL dancing started. I was sitting inside and heard what sounded like a hundred clogs marching about on the back deck.. Count me in!! I hop out and immediately they grabbed my hand and pulled me in for some traditional Irish dancing. They taught me several different styles, and joked that my hippy self clogged around barefoot amongst their strong, loud tap shoes. We danced and danced, laughed, sang, listened, shared, laughed some more, danced some more, and then sat to listen to some beautifully sung Irish pieces.
It was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had.
It felt so special for me to be invited in to a group so passionate about their culture, and willing to share that part of their traditions with me!
I feel so filled with love, joy and gratitude for this beautiful life I have been gifted with. I write this with tears in my eyes. I'm so happy. I am so blessed.
I'm polka'd out...
Of all the lives I've ever lived, I'm sure this is the best so far. Thank you.
Your ever-loving, ever-growing, ever-experiencing, EVER-GRATEFUL Nana J ;)
To My Grandkids,
I've been procrastinating this blog...
You know kid, I talk a lot about 'being your best self' and keeping the energy high, but honestly that's not always the case. Yes, being your best self is the goal- on a MACRO scale. But on a smaller level of things, it doesn't always feel that way.
This past couple weeks I've been standing face to face with the emotions that live deep in my being. From feeling burnt out, low day to day energy, anger that has been suppressed, deep sadness for a loved one lost, and overall frustration for having to feel these waves rather than smooth sailing. These times come in waves.
I recently listened to a podcast called 'Your Own Magic; momentum + getting back into your flow' (Raquelle Mantra) and she basically read the thoughts from my head and made it into her own words... She talked about what it feels like when we are in our flow state, when everything flows effortlessly and we feel 'aligned' with our purpose and highest self. When I get into my flow I feel powerful, untouchable, and TRUE to what my heart desires. I feel motivated and excited to work on my business, my personal self care practices, and ready to RUN with my goals. Of course, being in flow is ideal for my best performance overall, and as much as I want to stay there all the time, I must come down to rest, grow, and learn.
I've had these waves before and I noticed that every time it comes around I see it as a burden, and ultimately get frustrated with the lack of motivation. In her podcast she talks about 'honoring the seasons' and allowing these waves to happen; obviously your soul needs rest, or to learn a lesson. Every thing happens for a reason.
So...To my heart: I feel you.
To my soul: I hear you.
To my self: I love you.
And To My grandkids: I pass to you this knowledge of my young self, to let yourself rest when you feel you need rest. Allow time to dig through your shadows and calm your inner river of emotions. We aren't going to flow perfectly all the time, this life is like an ocean wave, up and down, shooting up fierce and bold, only to come back down to rest with a trough. We ride the tide as the seasons change around us...
And then stand back up and jump back into your flow.
This is not sad. I write this from a full heart, and excitement as I get back into my flow. I have been in a subtle rest period, and my waves are building back up as this season comes to an end. I am jumping back into my flow, finding it in the gentle things I love, the small moments that make me feel refreshed and recharged. My energy swelling, ready to sail. I am okay.
Speaking of sailing... This new season comes with new adventure of course.. New scenery... New experiences.. And a one way ticket booked for both E and I..
Stay tuned :)
To My Grandkids,
Alright Alright, it's been a long time coming.
Rosie is... ALIVE!!!
2 Months ago, as you may remember, I had a head on smack down between the van and a deer... and the deer won- no questions asked. The van has been sitting in the shop parking lot all this time (in MT), and now that we live in Oregon, we haven't been able to do anything about it. The shop made it fairly clear that no progress was coming for the van anytime soon- so we hopped on the road to take the situation in our own hands.
When it comes to car knowledge... I don't have much. I can do some basic maintenance things myself; changing my oil, tires, brakes, spark plugs, etc... But trying to fix a head on shmack... It seemed pretty intimidating. As soon as Elliot and I got back to Montana we got the van on a tow truck to be sent to the house, and we headed to the junk yard to get Rosies organs. It was a bit of an adventure to get the parts, because the junk yard was wayy bigger than we thought. The owner loaded us on his four wheeler and took us for a ride through this massive vehicle graveyard, all the way to the back where there was a random blue Dodge Ram- Rosies organ donor.
It took us a couple hours to grab the parts (duh- we didn't know what we were getting into at all.) before we loaded everything back up on the four wheeler and called it a day.
Then comes the fun part.. Now we're shoulders deep in MY van learning as we go.. This screw doesn't fit there.. This piece got hit too.. Grab the duct tape.. This thing doesn't fit anywhere.. What even is that..? Time to hook up the chain and pull the frame back into shape... Where is that leak coming from? Where's my BFH? Oh god that doesn't sound right... And so on.. Lots of figuring it out as we go, and a LOT of questions (thanks for answering my calls every 7 minutes dad..). It was a giant puzzle, and the reward is our house on wheels- no pressure at all! After 2 full days, it was time to turn the key.. Which was surprisingly the hardest part because I kinda expected the thing to blow up. LUCKILY, it didn't blow up... Damn we actually did that.. DAMN WE ACTUALLY DID THAT! We just fixed the van, our home, my safe place, my lovely adventure vessel- BACK TO LIFE!
Something I've learned in my short amount of time on this Earth is that often the WORST things that happen to me end up being the BEST down the road.. 2 years ago I hit my rock bottom, the all time lowest I've ever experienced. Looking back now that moment caused me to take control of my life and GO AFTER my dreams, chasing true happiness. Now, although my sad wrecked van shot a hole through my heart, and a huge dent in our plans- it caused us to go off the path and have the best experiences we wouldn't have gotten otherwise. We have met some of the coolest people out there, and shared some amazing memories at the farm so far. It has also lead to potential travel plans in a couple weeks when we leave the farm- overall so many opportunities we would've missed if the van didn't wreck.
Some things just don't make sense. We throw our hands up in the air with the overwhelming wonder of WHY these things are possibly happening. WHY in the world can I not catch a break? WHY ME?
And there is no answer. There is no WHY. There is no definitive way of knowing- until years later and you look back and see where It took you as a result. Sometimes there will never be an answer.
And sometimes... it leads to the best moments of your life.
Give thanks through the storm, because even if all you see is the thunder and lightening, that same storm is raining LIFE on the flowers, the gardens, the trees.
Yin Yang- there must be a balance.
Your barefoot van livin, beach running, mountain climbing, Nana J :)
To My Grandkids,
This is a lifelong healing process.
Quite a while ago, when I still lived in Montana, I went to a cute little bookstore in town looking for a specific book called 'Be Here Now' by Ram Dass. When I went to the section I looked up and straight ahead of me, tucked perfectly in my view, was the book. Of course I grabbed it, and right next to it was also a book called 'Infinite Self; 33 Steps to Reclaiming Your Inner Power' by Stuart Wilde.
Even though that's what I was looking for, the books came home with me and ended up sitting on my shelf getting dusty for some months later.. Now, I've finally picked it up an WOW- it's a trip. In exploring this 'Infinite Self' book, I have started to really re-think why I do the things I do.. And how I got to where I am.. doing these things..
Usually I can only read a chapter or so at a time- it's a lot to take in. This last chapter I read, he talked about the Ego a lot. The ego is kind of like the ID- or your sense of 'Self/ I'. He talked about how the ego needs a sense of security, community, validation, etc. to feel comfortable and safe in this world... However, when the ego feels too comfortable, it can cause you to feel stuck. This world nowadays is revolved around living a comfortable life, having financial and home security, finding security in a locked up relationship, and settling into a safe routine, and judging those who don't fit into those lines. Which is fine if you're into that, those aren't bad things if you are truly happy. Me personally though, that life of routine sounds scarier than the life of risk taking.. If you haven't noticed before, we live in a very egotistical world in general.. see the correlation?
The book talked about how we should be doing things, even small things, to challenge the ego and break the 'norm'. (Taking control of your life through little habits) Wearing a chicken suit to work without explanation, walking backwards for a day, wearing your hair a funky way or talking with a new accent all day.. i.e. skipping college, living in a van, working seasonal jobs, travelling, healing myself and others, doing cold plunges, planning to buy my own land young and run a farm instead of selling my soul to an unsatisfactory job....
I am living a life of challenging the norm, and breaking away from the egos' expectation of what I should be. All I should be, really honestly, is HAPPY and SATISFIED with the life I build for myself, and I cannot hear the voices of people who disagree, I simply block them out. This statement is so important to me. When young people talk to me about their dreams and plans, some sound like their flame has been snuffed so early in life, as friends and family are pushing to follow to the norm, get a degree, get a job, get a wife, pop some kids out, continue the cycle of dreading your alarm clock so you fit in, and leaving them feeling lost at such a young age when they are "supposed to have their shit together".
NO NO NO
If you aren't EXCITED AS HELL telling me about your dreams I'm gonna ask you to stop, put aside their expectations, and tell me what YOU want, where your PASSION is. It's so important to be an influence to people my age and show them that their potential is INFINITE, if you want to travel the world and own a small business and go on amazing trips with people all over the world, YOU CAN. You can shoot for any single thing you could possible imagine, you just have to work for it and make it happen for yourself. Get over your ego, release it, stomp on it, grab it by the throat and tell it that YOU can DO ANYTHING. anything. anything. anything!
A bit all over the place but you get my message right?
You have infinite potential.
I love you.
I see you.
I hear you.
I support you in your wildest dreams.
Graaaaannnnnnnnyyyy J :)
P.s, photo is from an impromtu adventure.. Somewhere in a store in Oregon and an older guy invites us to his private lake beach for a couple drinks with friends.. wild.