To My Grandkids,
Lately, there is a lot going on.
A couple days ago, I lost my Papa Deano, and flew home to be with family. Since being home, I have met with family I haven't seen for a LONG time, got to see my friends, pass by my childhood homes here, and got to see my dog, Kaycee Joe, (who is LOVING life there!). Just so you are caught up with the scene here, the world is in a massive pandemic panic right now, so I've been cautious, and traveling feels really weird because everyone is wearing masks and gloves, and staying away from each other.
Since I've been here, everything feels off. Granted, I'm not here for a great reason, but still, I don't feel right. As I am with the people I grew up with, my friends and family, I keep thinking back on the past couple years of my life, and how I got to where I am today. I won't get too deep into it cause I've already written a different blog all about how my past created who I am today- which I may or may not post because it got pretty personal... But to give you an idea, I am not the same person I was when I was walking these streets, laughing with my friends, living in these homes. That being said, I feel out of place, like I don't belong here anymore.
AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
Obviously I love and miss everyone here dearly, and it's nice to see them, but i'm glad it's in passing, because I DON'T belong here. I belong out in the world, exploring, hiking barefoot up a mountain in Montana and hanging a hammock to watch the sunset. I belong on a beach, breathing in the salty air with a smoothie in my hand while I work on my business. I belong in a forest without my phone, only carrying my backpack and a yoga mat, or sitting by the Gange river in India with fellow yogis, enjoying the cool breeze, listening to the children play. I belong in my van, on the road to nowhere, stopping in the middle of the desert to appreciate the beauty of the stars. I belong OUT THERE.
And now, that's where I am. OUT doing what I love, in beautiful places that excite me, and fill me with wonder and energy. AND I LOVEEEE EVERY SECOND OF IT.
(Absolutely no offense to anyone from my hometown, I love you all- and I know some of you LOVE it in Cameron, and that's okay, just not where I personally am supposed to be!!!)
(let me get back to the main topic---)
Your great grandpa Dean was a great guy. He was a Vietnam Veteran, and he left this world giving his last breath to save a womans life. I got to go on a vacation with him a couple months ago, which are stories you'll have to ask me about in person someday HAHAHA! I will link his obituary so you can read about him. He is in a much better place now, and he wouldn't want us to be sad, but rather to celebrate that he lived a great life!
Don't ever forget how short life is.
Live every second of your life to the fullest,
because everything can change in one second.
Even though you don't exist yet,
I LOVE YOU!!!
Love, Nana J :)
To My Grandkids,
Soo.. I bought a van.. FINALLY!
Let me just start off with this:
I HAVE WANTED A VAN FOR SO LONG. In my freshman year journals even, I would write about buying a van and traveling in it. Being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want, with who ever I want. Wake up in the mountains one day, and on the beach or in the forest the next. I've always been obsessed with the idea of it, and now I am putting it in ACTION in my life! The past couple days have been crazy- but beautiful.
A couple days ago, I was in town with mom and I saw the Hippi Hut Bus (in the picture on the left) and I immediately was like PULL OVER RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO GO SEE THAT BUS!! When we got there, I called the number, and the bus was parked at his house, so he came right out and gave me a tour of it. His name was Tom- super cool guy. He showed me the bus, and told me stories of crazy stories with it. He used to take it to a Rockin The River music festival and sell art from it (and obviously its a work of art in itself). I thought it was soooo cool, but it was just too big for me, and I wanted a small van instead of a full RV bus.. I went back to town and told my friend Xandie all about it, and she FELL IN LOVE WITH IT! Next morning, we went back to his house and checked it out- she loved it- and bought it on the spot. Then I found a little dodge ram van on facebook, right away set up a time to go see it, and FELL IN LOVE WITH IT, so the same day, I went to go see it, and bought it.
That being said, Welcome Charlee to the adventure family :) She needs some love, but anything you want takes work- so I'm excited to start renovating her. (Charlee was the name of the sweet soul who owned the van before me. So grateful I met her, so I had to keep her memories in the van alive as well, and named it after her!)
I didn't plan on buying a van before I go to India, but for a couple reasons, this just fell perfectly in place- so I took a leap and said YES!
I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I'm ready. Not only am I set up to go to India in a couple months, but now I have a home on wheels- can someone pinch me?!?
Some things I have learned from myself these past couple months-
Be GRATEFUL for everything you have, and BELIEVE that you deserve everything you desire!!
I'm so excited to wake up everyday and live this beautiful life
I'm so excited to share my stories with you along the way
I'm so excited to meet you one day.
Even though you don't exist yet, I LOVE YOU!!
Love, Granny J :)
To My Grandkids,
You would never believe the switch..
Okay, I try to stay humble and keep personal stuff to myself, but this is my space to be open and honest- and well... Toot my own horn, so, toot toot.
This past year has been the most unexpected year of my life. A LOT has happened and A LOT has changed. This time last year, I wasn't doing good. I was overwhelmed with the challenges life threw in my face, and I was pretty miserable honestly.. Getting into that is for a different day- but I felt at the lowest in my life. Fast forward a couple months, I snapped. I booked a ticket to go to Montana for the NEXT DAY, packed up, and left. I immediately fell in love with this magical place. I stayed for a month, spent a lot of time with Mom and Mark, and felt soo at peace here. Sigh of relief. I went back to Cameron, and was super excited to see everyone again, but I KNEW right away I couldn't be there anymore.. So after a family vacation (yes yes, I will post that blog eventually haha) I moved to Montana.
Best decision I've ever made for myself.
Yes, I miss my family and friends back home, and I love you all dearly!! But this was written in the stars for me, I know it. I have had so many amazing adventures, learned and grown so much, met so many amazing people who I also love dearly, and have met myself too :)
Now, I'm a morning person. GASP, I know. If you know me, that sentence alone should say a lot haha.. Here's my 'toot toot' moment. I have come SO FAR. I could go on and on, but to say the least, I could not be more proud of the person I am today- a tree huggin, coffee drinkin, shampoo sellin, elderly lovin, yoga doin, plant powered, freak of nature. I'm pretty amazing honestly. I'm so deeply in love with myself- even mirrors make me swoon...
ANYWAY, my point of telling you how much I adore myself is this-
YOU are the only person you truly have to put up with for your whole life. You can never escape yourself, so love yourself. Turn yourself into a being you adore. Do WHATEVER IT TAKES (even if it means buying a one way for the other side of the country-or world) to become the person in your wildest dreams. YOU create your life, you are not defined by hard times, financial struggles, relationship issues, etc etc. YOU decide what your life looks like. No need to scroll through dating apps or wait desperately for a lover to come- you don't need a second half, you are a WHOLE person on your own. Look in the mirror, and realize how effin beautiful it is to be here.
Love yourself. Spoil yourself. Be grateful for yourself. CREATE your life for yourself.
Be humbly obsessed with yourself. Strive to be the absolute best version of yourself.
Be everything you could imagine yourself to be, and more. Take care of yourself.
I love me, (And you of course, even though you don't exist yet!!)
I can't wait for you to hear all the crazy stories of "Your psycho granny did___ when she was younger!" cause my life is pretty magnificent. (toot toot)
Appreciate yourself, kid.
I love you so,
Gran Gran J :)
p.s. stop comparing yourself to others- you are not them, YOU ARE YOU.