6/20/2021

To My Grandkids,

Life is... Still good..!
In these past couple weeks It feels like I've been put through the ringer honestly-
let me catch you up.

     About a month ago, I said goodbye to Lauren as we parted ways, once again stepping away to let distance live between us. Laci and I took an emergency trip to MO to spend time with family. As always, it felt so strange to be back there, walking the streets I grew up in with a whole new mindset. I got to see a couple very important mentors in my life, and got to spend some well needed time holding family close. Only a couple hours after hitting the road back home, the van started to get too hot.. So pull over and find a shop.. Thank god the mechanics were so helpful, rather than waiting 5 days to be back on the road they got us done in one. 22 hours later we pull into our driveway in Montana- making that 70 hours driven between Lauren, Laci and I.. 
     All winter my motivation was to get back on the road, working 2 jobs to save up and be able to be unemployed for a minute for some travel freedom.. Elliot and I recently built out the van and got it comfortable and ready to hit the road, planning to be gone for a couple months. After that week of unexpected travel though, we decided to push the trip back a bit, allowing some time to get a job and save up a little more cash. We had planned that as soon as I got back to Montana, we would load up and head to Oregon to work for a while. This being said, just as quick as I rolled into Montana we were packed back in the van and ready to roll out. 
     The first hour drive to our new journey was so beautiful. The sun was setting and it was raining lightly, leaving a beautiful hue of light dancing through the valley, up and over the mountains, and stinging the tips of pine trees above us. At one point, we were driving around the Flathead lake while the sun kissed the horizon- it was so amazing we had to pull over to take it in. I was so excited to be going again, no specific destination but the open road leading us from here. This is where I thrive.
    As we're driving to our camp spot for the night, I was finally feeling a break, an exhale from the last couple weeks of feeling overwhelmed and then- hahaha life isn't that easy all the time.
    Out of nowhere, a friggin dear is standing on the side of the road, looking at me before he makes the decision to keep going... boom.
Did I mention that after 20 years of never hitting a single animal in any car, this would be the second deer I hit in the last 2 DAYS.. That deer was done for, I was pushing 70 on the highway, no hope for him or the van. It was so frightening- not to sound too dramatic but car crashes are my worst fear, and here I am watching a deer get blown to smithereens by the van that is my home, my safe place, my traveling opportunity, my dream. Boom. Actually I'd say the DEER blew the VAN to smithereens. My front end is toast, the grill nonexistent, the coolant pouring out, headlight hanging on by a thread, my sanity dripping empty with every drop of fluid hitting the pavement. I was such a mess. My VAN!! Ugh that effin deer- it pisses me off so much. It would've been so nice if he would've just waited a SECOND before running.
     Anyway, there goes that plan.. Not to mention all the small puzzle pieces of other things that have been going wrong surrounding the situation- it's seriously one thing after another. 
     I can't complain too much honestly. The last year of my life has been the most exhilarating, fulfilling, dream chasing, easy going time ever- and I've sailed through so much growth without hitting any bumps. So I guess it's my time to get a couple lessons, It's necessary to keep moving forward. 
Life is a spiral. The cycles will come and go as you need them, I am open to the lessons this pain and frustration brings.
I am okay, and life is
STILL GOOD!!!

Love, 
Your Eternally Growing Granny J :)

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